It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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