Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
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Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
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That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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