if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize