I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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