The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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