I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
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I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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