need another drink. this is the easiest way
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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