just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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