Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
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This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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