Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
