that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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