i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize