just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
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Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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