I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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