So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize