Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize