I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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