Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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