so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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