I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Green mimosas i think yes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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