I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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