I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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