things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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