God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize