you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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