I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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