the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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