I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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