I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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