3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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