The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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