2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
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Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize