and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You smell like stripper and shame
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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