I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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