i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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