I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just cropdusted the office
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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