whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize