it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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