He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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