it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize