Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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