i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize