Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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