I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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