So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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