put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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