Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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