Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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