I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize