this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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